Smiling on the outside, dying on the inside
by 11Dancer14
Summary: Sequel to Cat and Mouse. She's watching the love of her life marry the love of his, and she wishes that she could be happy for him, but instead she's dying inside, and no one's noticed.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: wedding time! unfortuately, a sad one, poor Carolyn! :( :(

Disclaimer: I don't own it, trust me, I wish I did :(

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She's a vision of beauty, her golden hair done up in an elegant bun, her gray eyes sparkling with happiness as she walks down the aisle. Her groom stands there, his brown hair combed back, the black suit a startling contrast to the white surrounding him.

Carolyn's standing there, her heart beating a hundred miles a minute. She can't take her eyes off the scene in front of her, she's clutching her hands so tightly she thinks she might break them. She's looking at him as if begging him to reconsider, but his eyes aren't on her, she doesn't even know if he realizes she's in the crowd, that she's slowly dying inside, that she's like a piece of paper that you set on fire, she's withering up, turned darker and darker until pieces of her break off, turning into ash, to be stared at, little children foolishly trying to catch it, but soon, it will be forgotten, and swept away under a corner.

She's shaking as the priest begins to speak, she watches the woman, Alex she believes her name is, whisper her vows, her hand resting on Mike's cheek. Mike pulls her close, and Carolyn feels her already broken heart shatter once more, the pieces splintering out, embedding themselves deep within, causing a dull throb to start in her chest. He says his vows, and his voice is filled with so much love for Alex that it finally hits her that this is it, her Mike is no longer her Mike, that someone else took her place in his heart.

She slips out of the church, it's pouring rain and it matches her feelings perfectly, she's standing there and letting it run over her, allowing it to pour down her face, using the tracks her tears are making. She feels a presence behind her, and then a hand on her shoulder, leading her back onto the stairs, she looks up, and for a minute she thinks she's delusional, for she knows Mike's in there with his beautiful bride, then she hears him speak, his voice quiet, and soft.

"Alex told me I should come talk to you," He stands a few feet away, his face concerned, his eyes worried, "She said I should explain how this all happened."

"I...I don't need to know" It's barely out of her mouth and she already knows it's a lie, she needs to know what this women did that she couldn't, how she could've stolen him from her.

He doesn't listen to her, he tells her of how much it hurt when she left him in the bar that night during the cop shooting, how that look of contempt killed him. Then he explains how one of his friends from Staten Island was bartending, and how he implied that he should go talk to the stranger at the end. He ends his story with how they first didn't really know what they were, and that, with her old feelings for another and his for Carolyn, there were issues, some big, some small, but how they finally got over them to realize that they loved each other more anything else.

Carolyn nods, her eyes filling with unshed tears, she gives him a smile, albeit a weak one, but a smile none the less and he nods, he hugs her, it's brief, and there's nothing but a failing friendship in it and Carolyn wants to cry, for losing Mike's love and while doing so, losing Mike's friendship. He walks inside, he never, not even once, looks back, he takes Alex in his arms and he kisses her, leading her out onto the dance floor, and Bobby and Alex are dancing, her small frame wrapped tightly in his big one and Carolyn knows she won't be able to walk into work tomorrow, that she won't be able to face them all, so happy together.

She slips inside a few minutes later, grabbing her cell off of the table where it had been abandoned in her dash outside."Hello, this is Detective Barek from Major Case, I'm calling to request a transfer." She's holding her cell close to her ear, faking another smile for Alex "Narcotics? Yeah, I can do that, thank you so much."

The next day she's packing up her stuff from her desk, she's already written a note to everyone on the squad and then proceeded to burn them, it's better, she decides, if she leaves without saying goodbye, it'll be too difficult, and her resolve might break, like a badly burnt piece of wood.

Monday rolls around like a storm cloud and before she knows it she's in the Narcotics precinct, she's unpacking, she left every single picture behind, the only thing left remaining on her old desk, the only part of her she left behind. Her new partner's just came back from undercover so it's only her for a few hours, the others are away, undercover or in court. It got so quiet that time seems to meld together, that a hour seems like a moment, she's startled when she hears someone approach her and when a young, brown haired man holds out his hand and smiles saying, "Morning, I'm Brian Cassidy, I'm guessing your my new partner?" She's shocked at the human contact, she tilts her head slightly, trying to see if there's double meaning to the words. She finds, that to her surprise there's nothing but kindness staring back at her.

"I'd assume so," She replies, shaking his hand back, and she realizes that she's going to make it after all, it was hard, and most certainly painful, but she made it, and now, she's starting to rebuild.

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A/N: Sad...but, you can imagine that she finds friendship/more in Brian, this is the end of the road for this series, unless you all want to know what happens to Carolyn, but for that to happen, REVIEW! :D next chapter is Carolyn's letters to the squad.


	2. Carolyn's Letters

_A/N: _Carolyn's unread letters! hope you enjoy :)

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_Mike-I hope you and Alex find happiness together, it's not everyday you marry a lawyer after all! I'm kidding Mike, you should know that by now. I hope you don't blame yourself for the fact I'm leaving, it is, after all, something that was bound to happen eventually. Partners, unless you're Goren and Eames, never stay forever, friends maybe, but never partners. I hope when this letter reaches you, your life is as prefect as everything you've ever wished for, I've always loved you Mike, and all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy, I wish that happiness was with me, but I understand that Alex has made you happier than you every could've been. Love-Carolyn_

_Bobby-Oh, where do I start? You, even with your quirks and occasional angry outburst, you've always cared for us, Eames in particular, _but_ I liked to think you cared for me, at least a little bit, too. You deserve happiness Bobby, and maybe Alex is the one to give it to you, I saw you all dancing and I hope you made your move! I hope your mother will be ok, and remember, you are NOT your family, you may share DNA but you're an entirely different person then them, I know you are. I hope the new Captain doesn't give you too much trouble, you're too good of an detective for that, and that you'll think of me every once in a while. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, I'm a big girl remember? Good wishes-Carolyn_

_Alex-I'm sorry for not telling you that I left, or even the details why, it's better this way. I saw you and Bobby and I hope you all finally made your move, it's been coming up on 6 years for God's sake! We've always had fun rolling our eyes at our partners, or shaking our heads at something crazy. I'm going to miss those times, but I know it's time for me, and all of us, to move on with our lives, Mike has, and you and Bobby are starting out too, now it's my turn, I hope you don't fault me for that, for you were my best friend Alex, and I'm going to miss you. Your friend-Carolyn_

_Captain Deakins-Have fun in retirement, but try not to start building too much boats! You were a great captain and it's a shame that you have to go, it seems we're all moving on with our lives, you with retirement, Logan with marriage and Eames and Goren together. You were one of the best cops and Captain I've ever met and I hope whatever you do, you suceed in it. Carolyn Barek-Major Case_


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